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= I'm Gonna Make You Tap Bitch =
Sunday, March 27, 2005
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| :: Ashley | | 3/27/2005 03:18:00 PM |
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=Sispec=
Sispec sucks...I think I'm going into depression really soon........
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| :: Ashley | | 3/27/2005 12:27:00 PM |
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=Special Angel=
My Special Angel
Took for granted of those days
Thinking nothin' gonna happen in my way
Know I'm wrong and I regret
For the things I did and things I've said
Come back to my life once more
So my aching heart won't hurt no more
You're my special angel, show me the way
It's just that there is no one who can
Ever take your place
So bring me back the days before
There is so many things
You have to learn from us all
I questioned why you left that day
Didn't say goodbye and left your way
A wave is only what you gave
The image will never fade away
I memorized the things you've said
And I'll carry it on until I'm dead
You're my special angel
Show me the way
Those children needs your lovin'
In each and every way
All I want is only you
Take me now take me far away
Tears before my eyes
Hangin' on forever
Shattered dreams go broken
In all through their lives
Words you always said before
Tell me now that you'll leave no more
You're my special angel
Show me the wayI
t's just that there is no one who can
Ever take your place
Words you always said before
Tell me now, that you'll leave no more
Cause I know that you're the one
i'm waiting for...
What do you feel when you hear this song? Does anything comes to your mind? I don't know..I just love this song.......
On the ferry back to S'pore, was listening to groove coverage. Its funny how i never grew sick of them....to me...each of every song in their album has a significant meaning....
Friday, March 25, 2005
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| :: Ashley | | 3/25/2005 04:24:00 PM |
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=Fucked Up Sispec=
I hate sispec. Its the most fucked up place you can even go to. Theres no motivation to do anything.....everyone just thinking of ways to oot or ooc. Fucked up.
Got a call from Nigel....he said ocs quite tough...but still able to tahan. I mean after all we all went through Ninja BMT together...heard all the people who used to be in welfare companies suffering inside. Haha....oh well...like I'm enjoying sispec.
Nigel told me his buddy is fucked up. Well...just endure it ya buddy.
Its funny how BMT can make you gay. Haha I miss Nigel...i miss Qingyao..I miss Tim...i miss the whole platoon4 of Ninja company. I miss my sgt..both John and Hafis..my pc benny and of course our favourite OC Jeffery. Haha.. Arghh..I can't take it anymore...
Everytime I bathe I really wished that it was platoon4. I miss all the talking cock in the shower..the singing of songs...the imitation of OC everything...sigh....I miss my BMT days where we suffer as a platoon. I miss talking to Qingyao and Tim.
Now......I'm at sispec...fucked up place..with fucked up commanders who has bad attitude.
Tomorrow is my guard duty day..fucked up. The sacrifice I must make. Haiz....
Anyway...............
hi squiggly worm :) i love you
Friday, March 18, 2005
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| :: Ashley | | 3/18/2005 01:35:00 PM |
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=Tekong......=
Sispec...I guess I'm considered quite lucky.
Happiness is something you must create for yourself. Only you can bring happiness to yourself.
So smile..at least I'm going to a command school and I still can make my way to OCS. But the sad thing is its at Tekong, I hate that place.
After thinking through it for a while, I feel that sispec isn't that bad. I will always remember this word by 2lt Chow during my bmt in Ninja........Whereever you go you be the best. If you're posted as a clerk, you try and be the best clerk, if you become a storeman, you try and be the best storeman, if you are posted to ocs, you must be responsible and treat people under you with respect.
What he is trying to say is, whenever you go you be the best. No matter how shit the work is, how much shit your superior give you, you take it like a man and be the best in everything in do. Do things with dignity and integrity. You don't have to be an officer to earn people respect, you do things to earn people's respect.
Thursday, March 17, 2005
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| :: Ashley | | 3/17/2005 04:25:00 PM |
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=This Is Your Calling=
You must believe in yourself at all times.
You must never lose faith that you are capable of doing anything in life you choose to do, and
you must always choose the highest.
To believe in yourself, you must have courage that exceeds the need for the consideration of courage.
It must be a natural part of your life that avoids any need for decision making based on whether you have courage to do that which you must.
This must be a belief beyond personal questioning, beyond personal doubt, to a point when it can no longer be considered courage but rather a way of life.
This shall be so, for you will believe in yourself.
You must have character that is beyond criticism and is a permanent part of yourself.
It is not imagined or pretended.
Every moment of your life must be naturally conducted with pride and dignity that cannot be confused with arrogance but recognized with respect.
Your character must always contain compassion and concern for others.
This concern will be genuine, for you will never lose sight of your background in trying to understand those you have difficulty in identifying with, for they are the majority of the world and the character never bends, never compromises and is consistent.
You must believe in intellect that no task is beyond your ability to succeed.
Your intellect is a gift that you shall not waste and you shall use to its greatest capacity.
You must have the patience and tolerance to realize that others will not always agree with or understand you.
This is your calling.
You cannot question it. you must accept it.
----From ThisIsAWar.com
On Pornography Addiction
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| :: Ashley | | 3/17/2005 03:19:00 PM |
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=Ninja Company=
We don't mind climbing up to the fifth storey..
We are from Ninja 4
Ninja Company....
Ninja4...Ninja4
we are form ninja companyyyyyyy
We love oc we love oc we love to talk to the ground
We are from Ninja Coy
Ninja company
Ninja Coy....Ninja Coy
We are ninja companyyyy
Knock it down Knock it down..we love to knock it down
We are from Ninja Coy
Ninja company
Ninja Coy....Ninja Coy
We are ninja companyyyy
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
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| :: Ashley | | 3/16/2005 03:57:00 PM |
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=BelleFire=
I'm falling in love with Bellefire.
Their music is so soothing and sexy.......
=)
Posting is going to be out soon. I hope I can make it to ocs. But then again its up to god to put me where he wants me to go.
I want to train harder. I know I can do it. Push myself over the limit.
Soon.......very soon its going to start......
Its going to begin........
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
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| :: Ashley | | 3/15/2005 02:25:00 PM |
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=Can't Cry...I Just Can't=
Darling...I miss you...
I hate this empty feeling in me.
Ahh....fuck it..I should just enjoy myself.But Haiz I just can't. I keep thinking of you dear. Your face keep appearing.
I want to go for a stroll along the beach...feel the cool wind carressing my face.
Walk along the Esplande, or the merlion at one fullerton where its windy and cooling. My whole can be at ease. No worries at all, I feel so high. High on wind.
Baby.....I hope you understand......I know you hate me inside...and theres nothing I can do though I wish I could do something. You will never understand me......no one can.....
Not even myself..........
BelleFire - Can't Cry Hard Enough
I'm gonna live my life
Like every day's the last
Without a simple goodbye
It all goes by so fast
And now that you've gone
I can't cry hard enough
No, I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now
Gonna open my eyes
And see for the first time
I let go of you like
A child letting go of his kite
There it goes, up in the sky
There it goes, beyond the clouds
For no reason whyI can't cry hard enough
No, I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now
Gonna look back in vain
And see you standing there
When all that remains
Is an empty chair
And now that you've gone
I can't cry hard enough
No, I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now
There it goes, up in the sky
There it goes, beyond the clouds
For no reason why
I can't cry hard enough
No, I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now
And now that you've gone
I can't cry hard enough
No, I can't cry hard enough
For you to hear me now
Monday, March 14, 2005
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| :: Ashley | | 3/14/2005 02:28:00 PM |
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=Its Killing Me Inside=
I'm sinking baby...................
Do you still think of me when you are lonely?
Do you think of the happy times when we are out together?
Do you only notice my flaws?
And scold me for making them?
Can you really forget me dear?
Because I know I can't.
And I know I'm not the same person I used to be.
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| :: Ashley | | 3/14/2005 01:28:00 AM |
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=.....=
I hate this....
Saturday, March 12, 2005
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| :: Ashley | | 3/12/2005 10:15:00 AM |
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=I'm Not Feeling Well=
I'm sick.
I realised I always fall sick after zouk. I remember the week that I was going to be enlisted, I went to zouk for my last mambo and I fell sick. I had this super high fever, and it has been ages since I last had a fever.
Argh...is it something wrong with Zouk or is it just me?
My throat is gone, my chest hurt whenever I cough. Haiz..I feel like I'm dying......honestly.
I hate falling sick. Sigh.....especially in camp, cause I won't know how much can I push myself.
I'm feeling very screw up inside. I'm not happy, something is missing.
And I haven't been to church for like a month or 1.5months. Been confined since don't when. Haiz.....................
I miss going to church......I miss that warm feeling I get....I miss that peaceful feeling I get....I miss the sincere people, people who really care for each other.....I miss the love I get when I'm in church.
God please heal me.......
Thursday, March 10, 2005
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| :: Ashley | | 3/10/2005 06:49:00 PM |
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=Pop=
POP O!!!!
Somehow I miss being a resuit, I miss being a resuit in Ninja company. It was tough, really tough. But I graduate with pride, thats something money can never buy. I graduate proudly knowing I earned my jockey cap(Haha) and my rank together with the whole of Ninja.
We went through shit together, just like one of my company mate said, its not the usual shit that we went through. Its the type of shit that makes your ass bleed. No one will understand the shit we been through. All the perspiration we left at the company line, the tortures, the sufferings, the training that push us over the limits, how we endured everything. Yes, how can I forget.....the many confinements, the route marches with combat rations, SIT test and of course......the famous NINJA FIELD CAMP.
How oc will ask us questions that cannot be answered and knock us down cause we never reply. We see him coming and know that we can't do anything, the feeling is shit I tell you. Then there was the oc says game where he will say..."oc say the tree is calling for you" then we will just run to the tree and come back. The many times he gave us 20, ask us a question, then he says outstanding. Then when we thought its all over, he will say down , and we carry on another 5. Its sounds easy but its not. Its mentally tiring, we were so drained out we all just felt like crying. So many times many of us feel like giving up but yet we walk on. And now it feels great to be able to pass out from Ninja company.
Yes, it was tough. But I'm beginning to see everything from commanders point of view. Being in the army made me realised its the little things that makes up everything. Simple things like not dragging your boot. At first, we thought it was stupid, but now we know the reason behind it and we get very irritated when people drag their boots. Haha.
I love Ninja company.All the laughters, all the pain, the hardship, we went through it together. All the imitation of commanders. Haha, I will never forget it. How we imitate commanders in front of them. Tease them during route marches, play soccer with them, pour water on them, how the commanders themselves pour water on us.
I remember after the 16km route march, suddenly Muslim started scolding us for no reason. Knock us down in FBO,then ask us to run up and down. Everything off including rifle. From push up position we changed to sit up position, and he was scolding us non stop. We were all damn scared and tired.Then he ask us to close our eyes and ly on the floor to reflect. Then it came, water came pouring down on us.......non stop jerry cans after jerry cans. Everyone was wet. Then we were asked to gather and realised its the ninja tradition. Hahaha. I will never forget the smile on everyones faces. It was funny and I must say, Muslim is a good actor. It was so fucking real.
Zouk last night. Was totally gone. Some of the commanders joined us. It was havoc last night. Thanks Tim and Qingyao. Sigh, I feel I let mambo down cause I was at phuture the whole time and did not step into zouk at all. Haha. Nevermind, theres always a next time to mambo. =)
Duty
Honour
Country
NINJA COMPANY!!!!!!!
Saturday, March 05, 2005
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| :: Ashley | | 3/05/2005 03:10:00 PM |
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=A's=
A's made me realise alot of things.
Its never always about the result. Its never how you fare compared to the others. Its only about yourself, and you being able to do what you want and being able to get it. Thats when you should feel proud of yourself, and not when you beat everyone else and get the best grades in the school.
Different people for different expectation. Some are contented with their A B C, some feel sad and cry over the fact that they got AAB or AAAB that they couldn't get their 3 A's or 4A's( And I say fuck you, and enjoy crying over it.)
Others are happy that they got B B C and that they improved tremendously. I'm one of them. I'm very happy I got B C D, though I did not any A's, but at least I improved compared to the 1.5years of getting F's and O's, and occasionally E's.
Life is great, its just how you make life to be. Some are easily contented, some wants to be at the top by hook or by crook. I guess I'm someone who is easily contented. But its not always the case. There are things I have to be at the top. =p Damn I'm contradicting myself. Ahhh, fuck.
I'm overjoyed! I don't care what you think of my grades, as long I'm happy with it and hopefully I can get into the course I want, thats enough. I don't care about your opinion.
Going back to school and seeing the J1's all playing, slacking at the void deck made me miss the times spent in school. Slacking in the void deck, copying work, rushing to complete assignments, GP essays etc. Gossiping, making new friends. I miss school. I really dislike the army, its so mentally draining. I'm push over the limits. I just want to go home. I just want to be home. I want to sleep.
I can't blog anymore. I'm so shagged out.
I miss school. I want to be an ACSIAN all over again.................
Sing ACS forever..........................................
This song always reminds me of ACJC. I miss school. I wish I was J1 all over again, with the same people in my year.
Deep Spirit - Lonely
remember the time
when you here inside my dream
i wish you'll be mine
you're understanding what i mean
discover and see that you're the only one for me
together we'll be free
that so it's meant to be
have you ever felt so lonely
you're the one and only
did you ever by.
why did you say goodbye (x4)
have you ever felt so lonely? have you ever felt so lonely? Lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
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| :: Ashley | | 3/02/2005 07:09:00 PM |
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=I Miss You=
Booked out today.
I miss you. I still remembered you doted on me the most. When I was young you always brought me downstairs to buy sweets. Now you are gone, I find it hard to accept it. Though we were all expecting it, but some how we just can't control our emotion.
You forgotten who i was or even your sons and daughters, but we never forgot you. I always wanted to take a family photos but it never happened and now its too late.
Bye grandpa. I will miss you.
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What I Know About Myself
