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= I'm Gonna Make You Tap Bitch =
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
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| :: Ashley | | 10/31/2006 12:16:00 AM |
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=I'm Back=
Yes! It feels good to be back. After 3 weeks of hibernating in camp, intensive training, I feel recharged.
Best of all, I'm going to be a civilian really really soon! Can't believe it, its only a week away! It has been one hell of a journey, many times, I mean most recent, I was on the verge of insanity.
Thanks to those who were always there for me. Special thanks to squid and Rehan who drove all the way to camp to pass me 1 pack of ciggies and 1 packet of duck rice and most importantly, love. :)
I feel so lucky to have friends like them. Hehe
I'm really sleepy, guess I'm going to sleep now.
ORD LO!
Sunday, October 08, 2006
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| :: Ashley | | 10/08/2006 08:45:00 PM |
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=Camping=
I'm going for a 1month camp in Sungei Gedong @ 42SAR Kaffir company.
Its gona be one hell of a trip.
See all you guys in a month time. By then, I will be ORD-ing. :)
I feel so much better now.
Saturday, October 07, 2006
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| :: Ashley | | 10/07/2006 03:11:00 AM |
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=ACS(I)=
The place where I grew up.
The place filled with memories I will never ever forget.
The place I found true friends
The place I learnt the way of life.
The place I love so so very much.
ACS(I) !!! :)
Friday, October 06, 2006
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| :: Ashley | | 10/06/2006 05:02:00 PM |
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=I Will Be Away For A Long Time=
So today I received a msg from my encik asking me when I was coming back. I knew there was something to that question.
So while I was shitting today, Jonas called.
J: "Hi ashley, I need the know about the details of charge. When are you coming back?"
Me: I waas like charge? Oh I will be back next week
J: "Ya, one of your fellow specs burn down the toilet."
Me : Oh well, you can ask me about the details then.
J: "Oh you're the one?"
Me: Yup. You didn't know?
J: " Oh then I think I ask johnny better. Thanks
Its so ironic. It was always me giving the details of the charge to Jonas if there was ever a charge.
Now its me, I guess he too feels weird. So anyway, I asked him about the punishment.
21days SOL. Praise the lord I'm not going to DB! I guess this serves as awake up call, and a calling. It also serves as a reminded that I'm drifting away from god.
So S3 and the other PSO wants me charge as soon as possible. Sigh. I don't know what to say. I guess S3 tried to help me. But seriously I won't know.
But I must say, OC and encik were really supportive. They were really really nice to me. I always thought Wei how wasn't a nice person at all, but I guess I was wrong.
Time to pack my bag, I'm going to be in Sungei Gedong for a very very long time.
When I'm out, its gona be ORD lo!
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
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| :: Ashley | | 10/04/2006 12:08:00 PM |
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=Hidden=
Beneath that wonderful smile of the little boy is...........
Fear. Extreme Fear.
If there was a camera in my room, I'm fucking sure everyone will think I'm crazy.
Sometimes I wonder why do I care so much about others when 3/4 of them don't give a rat ass about my feelings.
No one knows what I'm going through. I like to display a brighter and cheerful side of me. But when the door of my bedroom is close, the cheerful smiley pigo is gone.Out comes a person who worries about everything. What if this happens. Imagine what if the bunk was on fire and not the toilet. How am I going to explain myself?
So many what if, so many imagine.
I always imagine the worst and it has caused detrimental effects to my health......more of my mental stability.
Its bad, really bad. I foresee that I might even go crazy one day. They say the ones who don't express their angers and keeps it inside them are the ones who will have the biggest explosion.
I've never encountered such huge adversity before. This by far is the biggest. I wasn't prepared for it at all. Haiz
Till now scenes of the accident keeps flashing back. I keep asking myself why did I do it.
However, its no point brooding over it. It has happened and what didn't happen, I have to tell myself, is a bonus.
This has to be settled soon.
Every hour, every minute, every second. I'm hoping my phone doesn't ring, if it does ring, I hope it isn't my camp number. I jump out of my seat everytime it rings. I don't like to be disturbed when I'm at home. I'm scared they will ask me to go back camp. Haiz.
I know the call will be coming, I just don't know when.
Monday, October 02, 2006
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| :: Ashley | | 10/02/2006 09:19:00 PM |
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=He Was There=
Thoughts of suicide slowly fades away.
However, the heart still feels heavy. Its hard to describe.
Lonliness. Its not something I want to go through. I'm just not used to it.
I'm scared. I'm really scared. I hope the case can be settled soon.
It is no point dragging on. Please.
I found faith and hope today. God was there for me. For the first time I felt it.
It was a warm feeling. A feeling I love so much.
Thanks
Sunday, October 01, 2006
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| :: Ashley | | 10/01/2006 09:34:00 PM |
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=Positive=
I'm gonna be even stronger then ever.
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What I Know About Myself
